From Debbie.

Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:30pm

Today has been very tough. Jerry is MISERABLE to say the least. He is afraid, anxious, frustrated and angry, on top of being in pain and vent dependent. Compunded by the fact that he cannot commincate clearly. I am trying hard to figure out what he wants and needs, however alot of things he wants, to get out of bed, change hospitals, etc are not possible. So that is another frustration. Yesterdays CT scan showed more bleeding in and around the lungs. This will take several days to self absorb and until then he is in a holding pattern. More frustration. He is not as clear as he thinks he is, judgement is definitely impaired from all the meds etc. This is kind of what I have expected and been afraid of---- does he have the "will" to continue trying to get out of the woods, or is this all too much? I'm praying for an answer to this question.

I wanted you all to know we appreciat your continued support and we feel your love.

From Debbie on Tuesday afternoon....

Things are about the same. BP continues to do well with out the Lebofed. He is challenged with communication, pain and anxiety. His hemoglobin remains unstable and this is a concern. Today he will have a CT scan of the abdomen and lungs to look for possible bleeds. I am praying he does not have any further complications. He is also finding it hard to sleep so he spends alot of time feeling exhausted. Currently his mind is ahead of his body in the recovery and that is driving up anxiety, sleeplessness, pain etc. I understand this is typical for ICU patients. Typical but frustrating.

Specific prayer requests:

Pray that he does not have any further complications.
Pray that the CT scan is informative in guiding his care.
Pray for his anxiety to be reduced and sleep to improve.
Give thanks for another day to try to get well.

Thanks, we feel your love. Deb and Jer

Monday update, a productive weekend

I have been praying for "time to reveal itself" to us, or for "sure footing" and I think we have had some of that in the last several days. Jerry remains off of the Lebofed, for which I am thankful and pray that continues. He is frustrated as he is certainly very ill and in pain. He cannot talk with this type of trech, too weak currently to write, so communication is a real challenge and struggle. I let him know that he will get better, it won't be like this forever, etc. I reassure him that he will get better and we will go home to our old life and he will be a guy who has had a heart attack just like a million others out there. He seems dubious of all of this, but I constantly reassure him that he is loved and cared about by so many, read him your cards, notes and emails and let him know he does "matter" to many. Candace and the kids came yesterday to visit and the 4 of us went for lunch and family time for a couple of hours. Surely we will be a better family after all of this, and that is a positive outcome for everyone.

Specific prayer requests:
1. Gratitude for a feeling of "sure footing".
2. Continued prayers that Jerry will be comfortable and feel secure through this part of his recovery.
3. Continued prayer that he will not encounter any other complications, we certainly have had enough of them.
4. Prayer that our "old life" is now a light at the end of the tunnel. (with some new normals for sure)
5. Pray for him to get off the vent ASAP, as his lungs/ARDS are the most threatening to him right now.
6. Gratitude for all of you who have carried this burden with us, and to God for many answered prayers.
We feel your love.

From Debbie on Saturday afternoon

Sat 10-6-07 noon

From Debbie

Our prayers were mercifully answered, for which I am thankful, and the meeting with all of Jerry's teams was very informative. Jerry is literally "on the cusp" or at a possible turning point in his recovery. His main complications currently are the ARDS and sepsis. Frankly, 50% of people make it through this "storm", however, those that do resume near normal, very acceptable lives, certainly not without LOTS of rehab to get them there. Jerry is a remarkable person in that he has come this far. He must have an incredible will to live. I have struggled to know whether my own actions during this time have been courageous or cowardace, and conclude they have been both. Now is surely not the time for percipitous behavior, rather cautious intellect is what is needed now. I believe we will see some changes that will be guiding over the course of the next "many" days. Jerry remains more awake, and some of that is good. He cannot communicate well, or talk, but at times we are able to establish communication through gesturing. Surely he does not comprehend fully what has happened to him, but I reassure him that I am there, watching out for him, and have hope that he will get better, but recovery will be long and tough. I read and re-read your cards, notes and emails to Jerry and assure him that he "matters" to many. I tell him that you are all concerned and loving friends and family who have helped us carry this burden. And I assure all of you that, we feel your love. Love, Deb and Jer

Specific prayer requests:

Gratitude for an informative meeting yesterday.

Gratitude for some "hopefulness" in this dark storm.

Pray that Jerry will "turn the corner" in this ARDS-sepsis complication.

Pray that Jerry will be comfortable and lessen his suffering during this time.

Pray for strength and courage to handle whatever comes our way in the future, even if it is not what we ultimately want.

Friday update posted Saturday morning, more to come today

Jerry continues to struggle on many levels which is very frustrating. He is off the Lebofed now for two days and I am thankful for that. He is tolerating nutrition a bit better, we are also thankful for that. His sedation is lighter and he is "more awake". This is both good and bad, as he is quite uncomfortable, probably in pain, and cannot communicate or move well etc. Very tough. Breathing remains assisted through the trech and vent. His renal function continues to be compromise. Debbie and Candace did meet with the entire medical team yesterday afternoon. I will post more about this meeting as soon as I have that update from Debbie.



Prayer requests are that:

Jerry to be comfortable and not suffering.
Strength and acceptance of whatever lies ahead.
Thankfulness for all of the good things we have learned and experienced along this journey, of which there have been many.

From Deb....

Dear Family and Friends,
Once again I acknowledge that I don't know where this journey is taking us, or how long it will be. Jerry struggles daily, different systems require different treatments. He remains in a sedated "sleep", which may be best for now. I worry about the future, what will his life be like, will all of this be okay in the end? Simply, we don't know. When I pray, I never bargain with God, instead I ask, "carry this burden for us, reveal Your plan to us, and give us strength to accept what You know is best for us, even if it is not ultimately what we want." In many ways time has revealed itself to us, and we have received many acts of kindness and mercy for which I am thankful. All of you who continue to offer your prayers, love and support are daily examples of answered prayers. We look forward to receiving your notes and cards, emails and messages. Thank you and know, we feel your love.
Love, Deb and Jer

Wednesday morning status quo

Jerry is resting comfortably this morning after being trached on Monday. The trach is much more comfortable for him than the vent. He continues his dependence on lebofed and his pulmonary and kidney functions are not improving. A CT scan and echo were taken last night, please pray that these tests are informative and provide clarity to Jerry's caregivers so that they can determine next steps. Please continue to pray for strength for Debbie as she struggles through very difficult days.

I was at dinner with Debbie and Mom on Sunday night and she said she continues to be overwhelmed with the outpouring of support from family and friends. She mentioned that her email inbox has hundreds of emails. While she hasn't yet been able to respond, she very much appreciates reading them so keep 'em coming.