Dear Friends and Family,
Well, two weeks today. Life has certainly been different. In many ways, all of this seems surreal, like I am in a fog, watching things unfold in slow motion. In other ways, all of this seems too real, acute and unbearably painful. Mornings are particularly hard. Jerry and I were early risers, seeking coffee and our computers, reading the days news, discussing these events, Jerry boring me with Bulls "data", (I promised I would try to be a better fan in the future) and sharing breakfast and perhaps a walk before getting on with our day. Mornings are tough. I find great solace in LOUD music and have been trying to walk everyday.
All of you have continued to "circle the wagons" around me and has helped tremendously. Your calls, messages, notes, cards and emails continue to come and I am grateful. I feel your love. Thank you. Many of you are concerned about my future. Please don't be. In all ways, I feel that Jerry has prepared me very well to be standing right where I am. We had many, many conversations about this time in my life. We planned together. Of course, we just never imagined that this time would come so soon.
Many of you have been asking about Florida. As everyone knows, half of our life is in Florida and I have no intention of abandoning our life there. For security reasons, I don't feel comfortable posting on a public blog, when and where I will be living. Most of you know my current plan. If you don't email me, deborah0918@yahoo.com and I will fill you in.
Someone wise told me this about grief: "You can't walk over it, under it, or around it. You have to walk through it, until you get to the other side." No truer words were ever said. I feel like I am walking through fire, and recognize it is going to take a long time to get to "the other side". Many of you have been asking if I feel the "why me" question. I haven't and I don't. Instead, I have been focused on "why not me"? Sad, tragic, unfair things happen everyday. I guess I feel cheated. And I think Jerry got cheated. We got cheated out of more time. However, if our 18 years had instead been 80, I would have wanted more time. That I know for sure.
This will be the last post on this blog. The blog has served a good purpose. It was Tim's idea and he has done a great job with it. Lynne stepped in to help when Tim was traveling. She too, did a great job. I want to thank them both.
I've learned alot on this journey. I know I will continue to learn lessons from this journey in the future. I learned that God hears and answers the prayers of a sinner. I am thankful for that. My walk with God is certainly closer and stronger than ever before in my life. I am thankful for that. I have always appreciated my family. Now I appreciated them more. I have always appreciated my friends. Now I appreciate them more. I am fortunate to have known great love. I still have that love, just in a different way. I literally "feel" Jerry standing behind my right shoulder, whispering in my ear, continuing to love me. I have had the privilege to witness birth and death intimately. Each experience seared in my mind, beautiful, peaceful.
Please continue to pray for me. Pray for guidance on my new journey. I will continue to be thankful for all of you. We felt your love then, I feel your love now.
Love, Debbie
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
From Debbie on Saturday Morning 10/20/07
I'm at home in Bloomington, alone, but comforted as Jerry is everywhere here. Currently, I am listening to "The Music Man" soundtrack, very LOUD, just as Jerry would so often do with all music. Music has provided a great source of comfort, smiles and relaxation recently.
I was pleased to see so many of those who love us in the last many days. That too provided great comfort. I have also heard from so many of you who could not be here and we felt your love too. I am planning to come to Florida the week of Oct 28th for a few days. I feel the need to see many of you, but cannot tolerate any second formal service. Instead there will be a "gathering of friends", I will let you know where and when specifically in the next few days.
I was pleased to see so many of those who love us in the last many days. That too provided great comfort. I have also heard from so many of you who could not be here and we felt your love too. I am planning to come to Florida the week of Oct 28th for a few days. I feel the need to see many of you, but cannot tolerate any second formal service. Instead there will be a "gathering of friends", I will let you know where and when specifically in the next few days.
I feel your love,
Debbie
Monday, October 15, 2007
From Debbie, Monday morning
Dear Family and Friends,
I want to thank all of you for your caring and concerned thoughts and prayers throughout our seven week journey. Jerry and I were overwhelmed and truly humbled by your love. Your collective strengths held us up when we thought we could no longer stand. Your thoughts and prayers guided our every step. Your compassion inspired us. The words "thank you" are inadequate, but they are all I have and are most heartfelt. Our journey was long and hard, but we did have many gifts along the way, for which I am thankful.
During the time that Jerry was extubated (Sept 10-14) we were able to talk, laugh, plan, eat ice cream, sit in a chair, read the paper and be together. After reintubation, the road was harder, Jerry's body betrayed him and he suffered, as did I. The last several days he was not sedated. These days and nights were long and difficult. However, Friday every prayer was answered.
Time had finally revealed itself to us, which had been my steadfast prayer. I was grateful. Jerry was awake and very clear. His lips moved with ease and communication was restored. He was calm, confident and had no fear. His pain was less, and he requested no medication. His constant nausea had vanished. He was ready and so was I. We spent the day remembering our life together, our family and friends and the many "stories" that made up our lives with all of you. We remembered the places we had traveled and enjoyed and our many adventures. We remembered golf, turkey and dressing, chinese rock and roll and our first date. (I reminded him that he told me the dress I wore on our first date was "gastly", and he confirmed he still felt that way!) We remembered the many playful "nicknames" he bestowed on so many of those he loved. We remembered the many theater performances, concerts and modern art collections we had enjoyed. There were very few tears and many smiles.
Jerry always believed he would be reunited with his parents upon his death. Over our 18 1/2 years together, he spoke of his parents often and his belief of reunification with those you love. He always said, "Remember, time flies. We always say that, so I will be with them before you know it. TIme flies." Many times Friday, I reminded Jerry that "time flies" and this brought us great comfort and peace. I told him to go from my hands to the hands of his parents and I know he did just that. Few people could have the courage and conviction to make the choice that Jerry did. I assure you that Jerry was as amazing in the face of death as he had been throughout his life. Simply said, he was truly beautiful.
I am now at home in Bloomington, which has been wonderful. Jerry is present everywhere and that brings me great comfort. Our home feels like a "warm embrace" and I have no fears of being "alone" here. I do plan to be in Florida, but I am not sure when, or how long. A friend has mentioned hosting a "gathering" for me, as an opportunity to see many of you who cannot be with us this week. I am considering it, and will make a decision soon. Please continue to check the blog in the next week or two as the updates will continue.
In the past seven weeks, many of you have offered to do "anything" I need, and this has been helpful. In the future I may have more requests of you. Currently, I have only two.
First, my friendships with all of you are important to me. In spite of Jerry's physical absence, please continue to include me as you have always included us. Talk to me about Jerry, we will help each other to remember him. Bear with a few tears, as there are sure to be some, but they will be "good" and "brief".
Second, when Jerry was extubated he asked me, "Did all of this have an impact or meaning on our friends and family?" Of course, I assured him it did impact many. However, when he asked the question, he was getting better, and I thought his question was related to seeking good health, eating right, physical activity etc. Over the course of the last month I wondered if his question was more profound, as in "Did my life matter to our friends and family?" In an effort to let him know he indeed "mattered" to many I read your cards, notes and emails to him many times, ensuring him he was loved, admired and respected by many. Your cards, notes and emails impacted us both greatly. If you are able, send me a note, card or email and tell me what he meant to you. Tell me how he mattered. It could be a single word, a sentence, a poem, or a memory, a funny "Jerry" story,or a professional encounter. Many of you have already done this. You may email them, send them to our home in Bloomington, or Jerry's office. These notes will help me to take the next step on my journey.
Thank you all for everything. And please know, we felt your love then, and I feel your love now.
Love,
Debbie
I want to thank all of you for your caring and concerned thoughts and prayers throughout our seven week journey. Jerry and I were overwhelmed and truly humbled by your love. Your collective strengths held us up when we thought we could no longer stand. Your thoughts and prayers guided our every step. Your compassion inspired us. The words "thank you" are inadequate, but they are all I have and are most heartfelt. Our journey was long and hard, but we did have many gifts along the way, for which I am thankful.
During the time that Jerry was extubated (Sept 10-14) we were able to talk, laugh, plan, eat ice cream, sit in a chair, read the paper and be together. After reintubation, the road was harder, Jerry's body betrayed him and he suffered, as did I. The last several days he was not sedated. These days and nights were long and difficult. However, Friday every prayer was answered.
Time had finally revealed itself to us, which had been my steadfast prayer. I was grateful. Jerry was awake and very clear. His lips moved with ease and communication was restored. He was calm, confident and had no fear. His pain was less, and he requested no medication. His constant nausea had vanished. He was ready and so was I. We spent the day remembering our life together, our family and friends and the many "stories" that made up our lives with all of you. We remembered the places we had traveled and enjoyed and our many adventures. We remembered golf, turkey and dressing, chinese rock and roll and our first date. (I reminded him that he told me the dress I wore on our first date was "gastly", and he confirmed he still felt that way!) We remembered the many playful "nicknames" he bestowed on so many of those he loved. We remembered the many theater performances, concerts and modern art collections we had enjoyed. There were very few tears and many smiles.
Jerry always believed he would be reunited with his parents upon his death. Over our 18 1/2 years together, he spoke of his parents often and his belief of reunification with those you love. He always said, "Remember, time flies. We always say that, so I will be with them before you know it. TIme flies." Many times Friday, I reminded Jerry that "time flies" and this brought us great comfort and peace. I told him to go from my hands to the hands of his parents and I know he did just that. Few people could have the courage and conviction to make the choice that Jerry did. I assure you that Jerry was as amazing in the face of death as he had been throughout his life. Simply said, he was truly beautiful.
I am now at home in Bloomington, which has been wonderful. Jerry is present everywhere and that brings me great comfort. Our home feels like a "warm embrace" and I have no fears of being "alone" here. I do plan to be in Florida, but I am not sure when, or how long. A friend has mentioned hosting a "gathering" for me, as an opportunity to see many of you who cannot be with us this week. I am considering it, and will make a decision soon. Please continue to check the blog in the next week or two as the updates will continue.
In the past seven weeks, many of you have offered to do "anything" I need, and this has been helpful. In the future I may have more requests of you. Currently, I have only two.
First, my friendships with all of you are important to me. In spite of Jerry's physical absence, please continue to include me as you have always included us. Talk to me about Jerry, we will help each other to remember him. Bear with a few tears, as there are sure to be some, but they will be "good" and "brief".
Second, when Jerry was extubated he asked me, "Did all of this have an impact or meaning on our friends and family?" Of course, I assured him it did impact many. However, when he asked the question, he was getting better, and I thought his question was related to seeking good health, eating right, physical activity etc. Over the course of the last month I wondered if his question was more profound, as in "Did my life matter to our friends and family?" In an effort to let him know he indeed "mattered" to many I read your cards, notes and emails to him many times, ensuring him he was loved, admired and respected by many. Your cards, notes and emails impacted us both greatly. If you are able, send me a note, card or email and tell me what he meant to you. Tell me how he mattered. It could be a single word, a sentence, a poem, or a memory, a funny "Jerry" story,or a professional encounter. Many of you have already done this. You may email them, send them to our home in Bloomington, or Jerry's office. These notes will help me to take the next step on my journey.
Thank you all for everything. And please know, we felt your love then, and I feel your love now.
Love,
Debbie
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Funeral Details
The visitation will be this Wednesday, October 17th from 2:00 - 5:00 p.m. at Evelyn Chapel at Illinois Wesleyan University in Bloomington, Illinois. The address is 1301 Park Street, Bloomington, Illinois 61701. The funeral will also be held Wednesday and will take place at 5:30 p.m. with a dinner to follow at Evelyn Chapel. Please click on the link below for a map of Evelyn Chapel.
Map of Evelyn Chapel (click this link for a map of Evelyn)
Flowers and memorials can be sent directly to Evelyn Chapel. Memorials in Jerry's name can also be made to the following charities:
Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) Foundation
American Heart Association
For those needing hotel rooms, below is a list of hotels near Evelyn Chapel.
Candlewood Suites, 203 Susan Drive, Normal, IL, 309-862-4100, rooms starting at $109
Chateau Hotel, 1601 Jumer Drive, Bloomington, 61701, 309-662-2020, rooms starting at $129
Map of Evelyn Chapel (click this link for a map of Evelyn)
Flowers and memorials can be sent directly to Evelyn Chapel. Memorials in Jerry's name can also be made to the following charities:
Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) Foundation
American Heart Association
For those needing hotel rooms, below is a list of hotels near Evelyn Chapel.
Candlewood Suites, 203 Susan Drive, Normal, IL, 309-862-4100, rooms starting at $109
Chateau Hotel, 1601 Jumer Drive, Bloomington, 61701, 309-662-2020, rooms starting at $129
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Funeral Arrangements for Jerry
Funeral Arrangements will be Wednesday October 17th at Evelyn Chapel, Illinoise Wesleyan University. There will be a visitation, service and dinner following. Times TBA. Thursday morning there will be a private burial service at Park Hill Cemetary in Bloomington. I will post times and other details as they are available.
Again, if I can help answer questions or if you need anything regarding travel, please don't hesitate to call (cell # 630-707-8334).
Tim
Again, if I can help answer questions or if you need anything regarding travel, please don't hesitate to call (cell # 630-707-8334).
Tim
Friday, October 12, 2007
Jerry
Friends and family,
It is with great sadness that I tell you that Jerry passed away last night. He was very comfortable and peaceful and Debbie was with him when he died. It has been a long road and we can all be thankful that he is no longer suffering. We are all fortunate that Jerry was able to make his own choices and he was very comfortable, confident, and not afraid.
Services will be in Bloomington this coming week, probably Wednesday. But I will post details as soon as they are confirmed. Check back here for details. If you have questions about travel to Bloomington, please contact me at timothympeters@gmail.com or call my cell 630-707-8334.
Thank you again for your continued prayers and support for Jerry and Debbie this past few months.
Tim
It is with great sadness that I tell you that Jerry passed away last night. He was very comfortable and peaceful and Debbie was with him when he died. It has been a long road and we can all be thankful that he is no longer suffering. We are all fortunate that Jerry was able to make his own choices and he was very comfortable, confident, and not afraid.
Services will be in Bloomington this coming week, probably Wednesday. But I will post details as soon as they are confirmed. Check back here for details. If you have questions about travel to Bloomington, please contact me at timothympeters@gmail.com or call my cell 630-707-8334.
Thank you again for your continued prayers and support for Jerry and Debbie this past few months.
Tim
More setbacks
Dear Friends and Family,
This has not been a good week. Jerry is suffering miserably. The lung bleeding is a another setback. It seems that each week brings something new. I am trying to make his wishes known and heard, as I think this is all too much with a very uncertain outcome. However, all I can say is that when I bring up honoring Jerry's wishes, I am met with resistance. I am asked: "give it a few more days", "let's ask him what he wants" (which is immoral in my opinion as he as on a plethora of drugs and is surely not clear). On top of the fact that his future is very unclear. Please pray that my voice be heard. We love you all.
Deb and Jer
This has not been a good week. Jerry is suffering miserably. The lung bleeding is a another setback. It seems that each week brings something new. I am trying to make his wishes known and heard, as I think this is all too much with a very uncertain outcome. However, all I can say is that when I bring up honoring Jerry's wishes, I am met with resistance. I am asked: "give it a few more days", "let's ask him what he wants" (which is immoral in my opinion as he as on a plethora of drugs and is surely not clear). On top of the fact that his future is very unclear. Please pray that my voice be heard. We love you all.
Deb and Jer
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