From Debbie, Friday October 26th

Dear Friends and Family,

Well, two weeks today. Life has certainly been different. In many ways, all of this seems surreal, like I am in a fog, watching things unfold in slow motion. In other ways, all of this seems too real, acute and unbearably painful. Mornings are particularly hard. Jerry and I were early risers, seeking coffee and our computers, reading the days news, discussing these events, Jerry boring me with Bulls "data", (I promised I would try to be a better fan in the future) and sharing breakfast and perhaps a walk before getting on with our day. Mornings are tough. I find great solace in LOUD music and have been trying to walk everyday.

All of you have continued to "circle the wagons" around me and has helped tremendously. Your calls, messages, notes, cards and emails continue to come and I am grateful. I feel your love. Thank you. Many of you are concerned about my future. Please don't be. In all ways, I feel that Jerry has prepared me very well to be standing right where I am. We had many, many conversations about this time in my life. We planned together. Of course, we just never imagined that this time would come so soon.

Many of you have been asking about Florida. As everyone knows, half of our life is in Florida and I have no intention of abandoning our life there. For security reasons, I don't feel comfortable posting on a public blog, when and where I will be living. Most of you know my current plan. If you don't email me, deborah0918@yahoo.com and I will fill you in.

Someone wise told me this about grief: "You can't walk over it, under it, or around it. You have to walk through it, until you get to the other side." No truer words were ever said. I feel like I am walking through fire, and recognize it is going to take a long time to get to "the other side". Many of you have been asking if I feel the "why me" question. I haven't and I don't. Instead, I have been focused on "why not me"? Sad, tragic, unfair things happen everyday. I guess I feel cheated. And I think Jerry got cheated. We got cheated out of more time. However, if our 18 years had instead been 80, I would have wanted more time. That I know for sure.

This will be the last post on this blog. The blog has served a good purpose. It was Tim's idea and he has done a great job with it. Lynne stepped in to help when Tim was traveling. She too, did a great job. I want to thank them both.

I've learned alot on this journey. I know I will continue to learn lessons from this journey in the future. I learned that God hears and answers the prayers of a sinner. I am thankful for that. My walk with God is certainly closer and stronger than ever before in my life. I am thankful for that. I have always appreciated my family. Now I appreciated them more. I have always appreciated my friends. Now I appreciate them more. I am fortunate to have known great love. I still have that love, just in a different way. I literally "feel" Jerry standing behind my right shoulder, whispering in my ear, continuing to love me. I have had the privilege to witness birth and death intimately. Each experience seared in my mind, beautiful, peaceful.

Please continue to pray for me. Pray for guidance on my new journey. I will continue to be thankful for all of you. We felt your love then, I feel your love now.

Love, Debbie